Using the co-worker scenario, just described, as our example, here’s where “either/or” thinking all too typically leads. Reacting to my coworker’s dilemma, I might quickly and instinctually rationalize my self-serving silence: 

“Hey, business is business. Why should I stick my neck out? If she’s hurt by her own incompetence, that’s her problem.” 
Or, alternatively, instinctually judging my self-protective instincts as “unworthy and selfish,” I might jump in to help; defending her choices to the boss and even, perhaps, taking over parts of the project. 
            At first blush, these choices might seem to be dramatically different. But, in one very important respect, they are simply two sides of the same coin. With each, I am avoiding the ambiguity and discomfort I would feel if I attempted, in a serious and sustained way, to balance and integrate decency to myself, to my co-worker, to my boss, and to the larger organization and society of which I am a part.
            From Radical Decency’s perspective, the “right” answer to this dilemma, and so many others like it, lies less in the choices made than in the process itself. Instead of avoiding the conflicting decency considerations inherent in these situations, we need to embrace them. Doing so, wisdom is transformed from a noun – as in “am I wise?” – into a verb – as in “I am regularly exercising and, thus, strengthening my ‘wisdom-ing’ muscles.”
            This wisdom-stretching approach is regularly confusing and uncomfortable. But it’s well worth the effort since, consistently practiced, it makes us smarter and wiser, cultivating each of the following qualities:
            Thoughtfulness: Open-mindedness, tolerance of uncertainty and ambiguity, and an ability to consider life’s deepest dilemmas.
            Analytic Skill: The ability to more fully understand the diverse factors at play in each situation, and to see underlying patterns and themes.
            Intuitive Awareness: Body and sensory attunement, sensitivity to nonverbal cues, and the ability to be more fully present in each moment.
            Creativity: The ability to imagine and put into practice more expansive, multi-dimensional choices.
            Prudence: Self-regulation, humility, and patience.
            Courage: The ability to act in the face of uncertainty, discomfort and risk.
Walking the Walk
So how does wisdom-stretching work in practice? As an example, let’s take a situation that most of us have encountered: What do you do when a stranger asks for money? 
            Faced with this situation, most of us start with an instinctual conclusion, either yes or no, that we then bolster with a handy rationale; e.g. “Bad idea. She’ll use the money to buy drugs” or, alternatively, “Poor guy, down on his luck. I’ll give him some loose change.” Wisdom-stretching, however, challenges us to reflect instead on the situation’s many implications for ourselves, others, and the larger world.  
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